Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
