I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Houston, we have a blender
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
