I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
