Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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