Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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