How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
