Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
