Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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