yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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