direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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