if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
