I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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