im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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