Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
