I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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