woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
