Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
