ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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