at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
