Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm getting married
To pizza
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
