her vagine was all disorganized.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
sex in a hospital.. check
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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