Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
