Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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