Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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