I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
