It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
