My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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