I've blown a few things in my day
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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