So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Every concussion has its silver lining
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
