Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
