I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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