so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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