That reminds me...we need to get swords
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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