Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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