New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
