i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
