Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
