He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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