It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
