...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
