Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
