Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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