Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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