it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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