She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
