My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
