I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
