i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
