She said her name was "party"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
