The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
