Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
