So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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