I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
