The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
