i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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